10/10/97

Scared to Death

Every person has a breaking point.  Some of the signs that you may be approaching yours include:

• Overreaction to minor incidents.  Your son belches loudly after dinner.  You fly into a rage and ground him for a month.
• Underreaction to major incidents.  The man reshingling your roof falls off the ladder and through the kitchen window.  You glance over, tell him to clean up the mess, and continue reading the newspaper.
• Rapid gain or loss of weight.  You have developed a love-hate relationship with food.  You refuse dinner and then devour a gallon of ice cream and a package of Oreos, which nauseates you to the point of vomiting.  After that you’re so disgusted with yourself, you eat nothing for two days.
• Constant worry and anxiety.  Your daughter, age 15, will learn to drive next year.  You get so worked up about all the potential dangers she might face behind the wheel that you can't sleep, concentrate at work, relax, or follow a simple conversation.  More worries piggy-back on those.
• Excessive drug use (alcohol, nicotine, prescription and non-prescription drugs).  You feel so lousy when you wake up every morning, you take something to make you feel better.  You know such palliatives only work for a little while, but all you want right now is a few minutes peace.

The main considerations here are severity and duration.  Occasional extremes of behavior and mood affect us all.  But when family and friends are telling you that it's gone on too long - and you know they are right even if you deny it - you need help.   But from whom?  Your fears about the choices sound worse than your problems:

A psychologist? No. Anybody with the word "psycho" in his title can't be trusted.

A psychiatrist? No. Only crazy people who need drugs and locked hospital wards see them.

A social worker? No. They see people in groups and I'm not spilling my guts to a bunch of strangers.

A marriage and family counselor?  No.  The family has put up with enough already.  No sense in dragging them into counseling, too.

A minister?  A nutritionist?  A biofeedback specialist?  Alcoholics or Overeaters Anonymous?  How on earth do I choose?

There are many well-trained, competent professionals and self-help groups available to support you through a crisis.  Ask your family physician or trusted friends for recommendations.  Then make an appointment and try to stifle assumptions about what will happen when you go.

Taking that first step into a mental health professional's office is half the battle.  Talking with a therapist is a bit like talking with a stranger on a train, except this stranger has training. Other than payment, you owe this person nothing.  You are buying his or her expertise.  There will be no magic, instant cure.  Changing patterns of behavior and thought takes time, experimentation, open-mindedness, humility and courage.  If the initial meeting goes well and leaves you feeling hopeful, give it a chance.  If you leave feeling worse than when you walked in and the approach offered makes no sense to you, interview other people before deciding whom you will hire to help you. From there, you and your therapist will make treatment decisions together. 

Don't let irrational fears or personal pride stop you from getting professional help to work through an emotional crisis.   Treatment for serious emotional conditions is as important as treatment for serious physical ones, because, left untreated, they not only can get worse, but also can be lethal.  Your life is too precious to risk. 

Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.