12/11/98

No More Dishes!

The best Christmas gift I ever received came from my husband and children, written on a piece of paper, tucked into an envelope and hidden among the boughs of the tree. They gave this to me in 1983 and renewed it every year thereafter.

A CHRISTMAS GIFT RESOLUTION FOR LADY BETH

WHEREAS Lady Beth's disdain for the domestic art of dishwashing is known far and wide, owing to years of exploitation in a male-dominated household; and,

WHEREAS such disdain has become exacerbated since even in her seasoned adulthood as mother, wife, and almost full- time professional worker whe remains involuntarily attached to this oh so dismal chore; and,

WHEREAS her two children and husband, Kathryn Nicole, Geoffrey Alexander and Gordon August Bruno, together find themselves feeling especially appreciative of their meals and the countless other things Lady Beth does for them day in and day out; and,

WHEREAS in that same spirit of appreciation the three aforementioned characters met and considered numerous and sundry ways to express their gratitude to their closest relative during this joyous Christmas season,

NOW THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that, effective at twelve o'clock midnight on the thirty-first of December, the year of our Lord Nineteen hundred and eighty-three, our terrific Lady Beth is hereby and forthwith relieved of any and all dish-washing for a period of time not to exceed one full calendar year, or twelve o'clock midnight on the thirty-first of December, Nineteen hundred and eighty-four;

AND BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that, in pursuit of active schedules of work and play, often quite different one from the other, the aforementioned characters all vow that they will spare Lady Beth from even the slightest quibbling or argument as to whose turn it is to do what or who might be doing more than the other in the daily act of implementing said gift. Such conversations, if they should be necessary at all, are to be conducted in private among the givers of the gift and not in the presence of the recipient.

SIGNED, PLEDGED, SEALED, NOTARIZED AND OTHERWISE MADE LEGAL AND BINDING ON THIS CHRISTMAS EVE DAY, DECEMBER 24, 1983, WITH LOVE

Kathryn Nicole Bruno, Daughter
Geoffrey Alexander Bruno, Son
Gordon A. Bruno, Husband
(All Signed)

Upon retirement, Gordon promises he'll do the laundry, too! What was your most memorable gift over the years?

Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.