03/20/2000

A Hospice Story

My friend Elizabeth wrote the following poignant account of the support her family received from hospice care at the end of her mother-in-law's battle with cancer.

My Time with Ruth
By Elizabeth Place

I arrived on Saturday morning for my usual weekly visit. I was eagerly looking forward to my time with Ruth. My mother-in-law of fourteen years was fast becoming a friend; something I never thought would happen.

My 7-year-old daughter rushed past me into the house.

"Where's Ruthie?" she asked.

"She's sleeping right now. Why don't you go out to play?" a nurse I had never seen before suggested. The nurse's tone told me that something wasn't right.

We exchanged names and I quickly headed for the kitchen. I needed a moment to pull myself together, but a large, red, three-lettered sign greeted me on the refrigerator door.

DNR

The sign meant, "Do Not Resuscitate."

I knew her cancer was terminal, and I knew her time would come soon, but I thought I was prepared for it. I wasn't. Staring at that sign, the tears began to flow, and soon I felt an arm slip around my shoulders.

"It's okay, honey." I accepted the hug and the soft words gratefully.

"I'm Ruth's hospice nurse. I'll be here days and another nurse will spend the nights. Don't worry, we're taking good care of her and she's happy. There's no pain." She couldn't have been kinder.

I had a hundred questions, but they had to wait. I just wanted to be with Ruth. She was sleeping when I went into her room. I sat and held her hand. It seemed so tiny and fragile. Ruth seemed even smaller to me than she had the week before. She woke up and her smile moved me to tears again. I told her I was going to get her some ice cream. "Two scoops," she whispered.

I fed her ice cream and told her about our golf match the night before and Ellie's report card and my new job. Her sense of humor was as sharp as ever and we had a few laughs at each others' expense.

Ruth held my hand and told me that she loved me and that she was proud of the way I took care of her son and how I was raising her granddaughter. Once again, I wanted to cry, but something powerful overcame me. I saw something happy and peaceful in her eyes that had nothing to do with her aging body. I saw her spirit and knew that I would have it with me long after she was gone.

"I'm ready, Elizabeth," she whispered. "I'm ready to be with Bud and Bethie and Pop. Please promise me that you won't forget me."

"I love you and I'll never forget you."

Ruth died a week later. At her funeral, for all the sadness I felt, I was comforted by the knowledge that she was at peace and that we had had the opportunity to say goodbye.

All About Hospice Care

• Hospice is a special concept of care designed to provide comfort and support to patients and their families when a life-limiting illness no longer responds to cure-oriented treatments.

• Hospice care neither prolongs life nor hastens death.

• Hospice staff and volunteers offer a specialized knowledge of medical care, including pain management.

• The goal of hospice care is to improve the quality of a patient's last days by offering comfort and dignity.

• Hospice care is provided by a team-oriented group of specially trained professionals, volunteers and family members.

• Hospice addresses all symptoms of a disease, with a special emphasis on controlling a patient's pain and discomfort.

• Hospice deals with the emotional, social and spiritual impact of the disease on the patient and the patient's family and friends. Hospice offers a variety of bereavement and counseling services to families before and after a patient's death

• The word "hospice" stems from the Latin word "hospitium" meaning guesthouse.

• The first hospice in the United States was established in New Haven, Connecticut in 1974.

• Today there are more than 3,100 hospice programs in the United States including Puerto Rico and Guam. Hospice programs cared for nearly 540,000 people in the United States in 1998.

• There is a wonderful explanation of hospice care at The Hospice Foundation website. If you want to know more about hospice, go to: www.hospicefoundation.org.

Other Links:

www.nho.org

www.hospice-cares.com

To contact the National Council of Hospice Professionals Physician Section, medical societies, State Hospice Organizations, or NHO's Hospice Information Line, call (800) 658-8898.

In addition, physicians and others can obtain information on hospice care from the American Cancer Society, the American Association of Retired Persons, and the Social Security Administration.

Note: Elizabeth Place is the Editorial Director at TheSeniorNetwork.com in Stamford, Conn. She has been writing and editing Internet content for five years. She lives in Kent, Conn. with her husband, daughter and assorted animals.

Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.