04/27/2001

Returning to the Nest

Parents sometimes get lucky. After their kids grow up and leave home to live hundreds or even thousands of miles away, they sometimes circle back for awhile. Keep those home fires burning!

Hope for the Uncommitted in Connecticut
By Nikki Bruno

At the end of last summer I moved back to Connecticut, my home state, after two years in San Francisco. This move might have appeared rather curious to an outsider. It's strange behavior to leave one of the most enchanting urban areas in the world. It's downright baffling that I chose to live and work in suburban Connecticut, a location unlikely to top--or even make--the list of a single, action-seeking woman in her mid-twenties.

After six months, however, I have concluded there is hope for the uncommitted--that is, single--young adults living in Connecticut.

My San Francisco neighborhood crawled with adventurous people in their twenties and early thirties. At age 46, my roommate was the grandmother of our block. Central Connecticut is full of people who are committed: to their spouses, to their children, to their schools, to their diapers, to their bank accounts. Folks in my town don't know what to make of me. At the grocery store, I am one of few people shopping alone. Weaving among couples whose eight-year-olds are begging for frozen mozzarella sticks, I grab whatever is on sale and zip through the express lane. The checkout clerk asks me if I want extra copies of my super-savers card. "No thanks. It's just me," I say.

It's just me, and I love it. This time in my life is luxurious, and I savor these moments because I know I'll eventually wish I could re-live them. I have 100 percent control over the way I spend each day. If I don't like the way I am spending it, I can immediately go in a new direction. Beyond the constraints of a few monthly bills, the universe is open for my exploration.

I take advantage of Connecticut. I abuse it. I have turned being noncommittal into an art. Stationed on my personal launchpad, I need not confine myself even to a single international urban area: I get two, or more! When I want New York, I'm there in under two hours. I hit Boston within about the same time. In under six hours, I'm eating lobster in Maine or checking out the latest exhibit at the National Gallery in Washington, D.C.

Connecticut itself actually has a promising contingent of single adults looking for excitement. We just have to look a little harder for each other--and for the excitement. I play volleyball in two different rec leagues. I hang out with friends in graduate school. I sing in a choir run by my former voice teacher and go to plays at the Yale Rep. Once summer hits, I'll take advantage of the many nearby hiking trails, lakes, parks, and shore spots that attract folks in my "set." Eligible men are not lining up outside my door. but that's okay. If they don't find me, I'll find them when I'm ready.

I confess. I didn't move back to Connecticut because it's Connecticut; I moved back to Connecticut because it's HOME. Enough of my family and my past are here to make day-to-day life delightfully comfortable and convenient. I do my laundry at Mom and Dad's house 10 miles up I-84. I rent a homey two-bedroom apartment for the same amount of money I paid for a 12x15-foot lunchbox out West. When I want good pizza or a reliable dentist, I don't have to stare dumbly at the Yellow Pages. When I want to bust on my home state, I know exactly what to say--and when someone else rags on it, I know exactly how to defend it. (Try finding a slice of pizza better than Pepe's in New Haven. And I don't recommend trying in the Bay Area.)

This high level of home comfort, together with the slower suburban pace, free my imagination and time for bigger dreams, bigger plans, bigger decisions: What do I want out of my career? Where will I go to graduate school? How can I best contribute my talents and skills to society and to my future family? Basically, where will I go next?

Getting married and creating a family will be my greatest blessings. This is why I plan to work hard for them. Right now, I am working hard by playing. I am cultivating myself, learning about where and how I fit in. By remaining gloriously uncommitted, I am preparing to commit.

Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.