02/08/2002

No, No, Romeo!

In the past, I've suggested dozens of ways to DO "I love you" for Valentine's Day. There are some gifts, however, that might get you a slap rather than the kiss you want. Whatever you do:

1. Do not forget. Every store, magazine and newspaper in America began decorating with hearts, flowers and cupids weeks ago. Unless you live in a cave, you know Valentine's Day is February 14th. Whether you like special events or not, do something to recognize one or more of the people you love! Even doing the wrong thing will earn you points for "it's the thought that counts."
2. Address the card to the right person. I know this sounds elementary, but nothing will guarantee you the cold shoulder quicker than whispering or writing the wrong name to that special someone.
3. Come up with something personal. Chocolates and flowers are only OK if you know your sweetheart's favorite truffle or blossom. Otherwise these gifts come across as neutral, which is nearly as bad as forgetting. Some would say it's even worse. "Love me or hate me but don't be indifferent to me!" You might not get the cold shoulder but you aren't likely to get passion or pampering either.
4. Don't buy something for yourself and pass it off as a gift for your sweetheart, in disguise. On average, guys don't usually flip over an afternoon at the spa any more than girls swoon over box seats at a pro hockey game.
5. Pets are soooooo tempting and irresistible. How can you go wrong with a cuddly kitten, puppy or bunny? Be careful. Thousands of people are allergic to furry critters that are adorable, it's true, until the wheezing and sneezing starts. At that point you might get thrown out in the cold—furry valentine and all!
6. Avoid lavish gifts you can't afford. Are the hugs and kisses for cars, diamonds and furs worth the monthly payments, followed by the repo-man when you can't make those payments? You'll have a night of bliss, but you'll pay and pay and pay for it later, casting a ghastly pall on those "hot" memories.
7. Don't pick Valentine's Day as your special moment to help your sweetheart change. Yes, I know she has been saying she wants to lose weight. Yes, I know he has been saying he'll do the cooking from now on. But this is not the time to buy her a case of diet goodies or him a set of pots and pans.

For just one day, in every way, say "I love you just the way you are."

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Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.