05/10/2002

It's a Guy Thing

"If you want it done right, you have to do it yourself." That's the mantra around here from, you guessed it, the man of the house.

After my man tackled a few inside projects successfully, like wallpapering the kitchen and paneling the family room, he turned his "expertise" to the exterior. Estimates from professionals came in way too high for his liking, so he decided to do it himself. Even though he had never painted so much as a fence post, he figured slapping paint on shingles would be a snap.

Don't get me wrong. My husband is a perfectionist. He read several articles about the ins and outs of house painting, taking the author's advice when it came to selection of materials: buying only top-of-the-line ladders, brushes, primer and paint. Preparation, he read, is key, so he clipped and tied back bushes, power washed the house, scraped away peeling paint, sanded rough spots smooth and filled in cracks and holes with proper filler and sealants.

Naturally, he had other responsibilities, so this painting project was relegated to evenings and weekends in fair weather only.

All proceeded smoothly with the sides and back of the house, each two stories high. The front of the house was slightly higher, because the house was built on a hill, so he had to reach the equivalent of about two-and-a-half stories there. The ladder he was using wouldn't reach quite that high, so he decided to rig up something to give him a couple more feet. He brought out the wheelbarrow, placed two concrete blocks in front and back of the wheel, thinking that would prevent it from moving, put the ladder in the wheelbarrow and climbed up.

From inside the house I heard a loud yell and looked out just in time to see someone fall past the kitchen window into the bushes. I ran outside, certain that my husband had broken his neck. As luck and quick reflexes would have it, he had instinctively curled into a ball in flight with his back to the ground. The foundation bushes broke his fall, and he emerged from the branches with a few scratches and a bad case of battered pride.

No one believes me when I tell this story. No one can believe that anyone would do something so idiotic. But when you're trying to accomplish something and unexpected barriers interfere, odd solutions present themselves. Such odd solutions sometimes lead to great inventions, others to total failure.

How are your "do-it-yourself" projects going? Do any of you have stories to tell about the ones that went awry?

Our house painting story has a happy ending, thank goodness. My husband didn't put the ladder back into the wheelbarrow, bless his impractical soul. He went out and bought a longer ladder! Five years later when the house needed painting again, he hired someone to cover it with siding.

You might think this is a sad ending, since he didn't try again. Never fear, my do-it-yourselfer hasn't changed a bit. He has just taken on other projects, some of them involving major power tools and super glue. But at the top of his to-do list for each and every one of them is the most important "tool" of all: SAFETY.

LINKS:

Do It Yourself

Great goofs ($100 prize for published stories)

***

Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.