12/05/97

Raising Parents

Dear Readers:

Take it from my brother and me.  It isn't easy raising parents these days.  First off, they're entirely too busy.  Mom and Dad are the first to say,  "You can't get better at anything, if you don't practice." Well if that's true, how can they expect to be better parents, if they're never home?

The time crunch gets so bad sometimes, we ask them to write us into their datebooks.  They need to know we're serious about talking things over together without distractions.  For awhile we arranged to have regular family meetings, which works out pretty well for planning vacations and negotiating allowances, but not so well when a crisis comes up.  Whichever parent is around then has to step in and make a decision on the spot.

That's when our parents argue with each other about being consistent, because they don't want us to catch them contradicting each other.  My brother and I think that's odd.  We don't think alike; why should they? Look at it this way.  They were never parents before we came along, so half the time they're just winging it anyway!  

I remember when Mom grounded my brother for a week for getting a bad grade in English.  Grounding him meant grounding her, too, because she had to stay home to make sure he stayed in his room and didn't use the phone.  By the end of the week they were both miserable.  Thank goodness she dropped that form of punishment before she used it on me!

Parents can be real busybodies.  They seem to think that a history of changing diapers and bathing us gives them the right to know about everything we do or say. 

"No, Dad, you can't walk into my room without knocking." 

"No, Mom, you can't go through my stuff just to straighten it up." 

We finally came up with a workable compromise.  My brother and I agreed to clean our rooms once a week, without being told, and they agreed to stay out unless invited.  After that, things were more considerate between us in lots of ways.

Teaching parents to listen better is tough.  They have so much to say about how things were when they were our age, it's hard to get a word in edgewise.  We appreciate their efforts to keep us from repeating their mistakes, but try as we might, we only succeed in making new ones they never even thought of.  Like the time I decided to turn the shower into a bathtub for my turtles.  The stopped-up drain overflowed and created rain showers downstairs in the kitchen!  Sometimes we have to learn things the hard way, just like they did.

To improve the balance of power, we like to treat our parents to a slice of humble pie every now and then.  My brother crushes Mom at ping-pong and we both run rings around them at computer games.  After they've eaten their fill (get it?), they're pushovers!

Last but not least, we do set high expectations but we don't expect perfection.  After all, they are new at parenting and need time to learn from their mistakes.  Mom and Dad are still a bit rough around the edges, but so far, they admit we're raising them pretty well.

How are things going with your parents?

Sincerely yours,
    Kate

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