06/10/98

Opinions about School Violence- Part 2

The presence of deadly violence in our schools has frightened everyone into reflection and action. SNET readers have suggested dozens of approaches needed to prevent further outbreaks. Thank you to all who contributed their heartfelt opinions about this crucial issue. Reader suggested solutions follow:

• I am a high school junior. Our school of about 850 has a strong and successful peer-mediation program. All mediators have attended several hours of professional training on conflict resolution and adhere to strict guidelines when conducting a mediation. As a result, the program has developed a positive track record. We also have a peer-advisor program. As a peer-advisor I've been trained to help peers recognize stress and other signs preceding conflict. Advisors are required to maintain confidentiality with their contacts. We know there is always a support network of about 30 other student advisors to fall back on. I'm eager to learn about what other schools in Connecticut are doing to address teen issues.

• Threats of violence by children should get a serious response. And not one which makes the child feel powerful or important. Not therapy sessions. Not media attention. But perhaps a quick, quiet period of incarceration (more than a day) at some dull dormitory with gray or putty-colored walls, locked doors and no TV, playgrounds, art or interpersonal interaction with anyone but the authorities. Retraction of the threat and a promise of no future threats or violent actions should be one of the conditions for release.

• My 14 year old daughter was given a two-page threatening note on the school bus, signed by five girls. I took it to the principal who contacted the parents. Only one of the five parents contacted me or brought her daughter down. One parent had the nerve to tell her daughter that my daughter was no kind of friend at all to report the letter. The school suspended all five girls. I also contacted the police and the Juvenile Division is investigating. The only way for kids to learn is to be held accountable for their actions. We can't give them freedom and responsibility if we can't hold them accountable.

• I am witness to how kids treat their elders in the nineties, and it is not cute or amusing, as shows like "The Simpsons," "South Park" and "Roseanne" portray it. Our youth, particularly in the 12-16 age bracket, are the most in need of parental and societal reinforcement, guidance and discipline, but are increasingly the ones who either lack it or are failing to receive this critical attention. Parents of this nation have softened up. Each decade of youth faces a more lenient level of discipline and thus seems almost challenged to push the envelope to see what they can get away with. Parents hold the ultimate responsibility for the actions of their children, no matter what the environmental circumstances.

• I received catalogs from two computer superstores today. One of them was filled with ads for games depicting violence and bloodshed. I am so irritated by it, I'm sending the catalog back with a letter of complaint and disgust. Is this garbage considered entertainment?

• Get guns out of the toy stores. Send letters of complaint to the television networks and movie studios to stop the violent programming. Mothers of America and the world have to present a united front against this ever-present and ongoing violence. And don't allow your children to watch it. If PBS were to get funding from all the outraged parents who are asking for more child-appropriate programming, I'll bet they'd get it. There has never been a "war" more worth fighting than this one, and we need to fight it for the children.

• I'm a high school student from a tough school system and I say, "Parents, please, no matter how much they fight it, your kids want your love, sympathy, understanding and caring more than anything else in the world. It hurts to be brushed aside when you need a hug or some words of enthusiasm."

• Look at what happened at the state lottery in Connecticut. Who do you hold to blame here? The whacko who did the shooting owned guns and had a permit to carry a pistol. He had attempted suicide on three occasions and had made multiple threats against authority at work. Clearly his friends and family needed to contact the State Police and inform them of this, so they could review whether or not this individual should be in possession of a firearm. Clearly he should not have been. All it would have taken is one call from anyone. Hello people, are you watching what is going on around you? Wouldn't you help save a life by reporting a drunk driver? Let's start watching out for each other folks.

• As a secondary teacher who is often witness to angry outbursts from youngsters who do not know how to handle their emotions at times, I suggest that we require students to take courses that teach them how to manage their anger and communicate it to others in a productive way. In our school we have a class called "Effective Communication," that is only offered to special education students. It should be a required course for every student.

• We use strangers and VCR's to baby-sit our kids and then blame guns for our failures. Have you noticed how our president either denies wrongdoing or else passes the buck? Yes, children need to be taught that they are responsible for their actions, but that is a tough proposition to sell, even to a child, if we don't hold our leaders to the same standards.

• I see no purpose for the existence of guns (in the home). Get a big dog, alarm your house and take some classes in self-defense. At least then you won't kill your daughter's boyfriend when he tries to sneak in to see her. Also listen to your children and to their friends. Any talk of suicide or killing should be taken seriously. There is no such thing as a kid who gives off no signals and then blows away his classmates.

• As an American living in Australia I can testify that Ozzies think the US has an "ostrich head in the sand" attitude towards the increasing availability and use of guns. The first words on everyone's lips here are, "Why aren't Americans implementing stricter gun control laws?" and "Why isn't anyone standing up to the NRA?"

• Metal detectors should be mandated for all schools by state and federal law.

• I am the mother of four school-age children. I just found out that a teacher found a threatening note in my son's school, but no one was told about it. When head lice is going around, the school sends home a notice. Don't you think parents should receive a notice if their child's life may be in jeopardy? I plan to go to the school board about this and give them a piece of my mind!

• Do you think these are copycat crimes due to the heavy media coverage of violent events? I don't think that I or anyone else, especially children, should be subjected to the same sad news story for a week straight. And the reporter's hit every neighbor, family member and friend for a TV interview. It's a wonder they don't talk to the assailants' butchers to tell us what cuts of meat they like. The media needs to examine its role in perpetuating an epidemic of violence.

• There are many well-stated opinions concerning guns and school violence in your column. It is interesting to note that every one of them uses the word "responsibility," by both adults and children. Taking responsibility for one's actions and being held responsible for the consequences of those actions is the only answer to the dilemma we find ourselves in. The problem will only get worse until responsibility comes back into vogue.

Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.