05/22/99

Special Friends

Natural light floods the cozy playroom at Memorial Elementary School in East Hampton, where Carole Spencer, a "special friend" to several first and second graders, engages the children in activities and conversation designed to strengthen their adaptive skills. In this room designed for children, low shelves hold colorful board games, toys and dozens of books with titles like, "The Mixed-up Chameleon," "Dinosaur's Divorce," "The Kissing Hand" and "The Rainbow Fish." Bulletin boards proudly display student creations. On the day I observed Carol in action, two animated first graders skipped into the playroom, but quickly turned shy when they saw me, a stranger, seated at the table.

"Come on in, Toots," Carole sang out. "Have a seat and meet our visitor." We exchanged introductions; then the girls shared their news: about a feverish younger sister, upcoming Easter egg hunts and plans for games at recess. For their activity that day, they decided to make colorful "get well quick" cards for the feverish sister. Toward the end of the half hour, Carole asked them to tell me about some of their goals when meeting with her. Both newcomers to Memorial, the girls have been working on adjustment issues. They talked about not yelling at their friends, sharing more, not pushing or grabbing, and trying to be more patient. Carol told me later that they had both made excellent progress and would exit the program in June, having successfully achieved the goals the teacher, girls and Carole had set together.

"Special Friends" is a state-funded program, developed by the Primary Mental Health Project, designed to identify and address developmental problems in the early years. Grant monies support the salary of a Child Guidance Assistant (also called Counseling Assistant) who attends training workshops throughout the school year. Carole, an involved and caring parent, received the training when "Special Friends" began at Memorial 15 years ago and continues to attend refresher workshops several times a year with Counseling Assistants from similar PMHP programs.

Each fall, teachers complete a brief screening form about every first grader at Memorial. Coordinators of the program, Lorraine Rignall, school psychologist and Sue Engelhardt, social worker, review screening results and, in discussions with Carole Spencer and the teachers, decide which children would benefit most from the program. The children selected are the ones who exhibit social or emotional adjustment problems in school, problems that may stem from divorce or separation, loss of a close friend or relative, shyness or impulsivity, or the move to a new school. After making assignments to individual or small group counseling sessions, based on similarity of presenting problems, additional referrals from kindergarten, second and third grade teachers are considered. Approximately 27 children participate in "Special Friends" each year.

Carole conducts the counseling sessions once a week for a half hour; she also meets with Lorraine and Sue for an hour each week to troubleshoot and discuss progress toward meeting written goals for each child. Carole encourages parents to become involved by sending activity sheets home, organizing informal get-togethers, providing a mid-year progress report and offering individual conferences on request.

Teachers rave about "Special Friends." They like the fact that it is a regular education program, so referral and acceptance into the program takes a short time and requires minimal paperwork. Parents appreciate the personal attention to their children, given by a warm, loving person using a play-oriented approach. As these children grow in confidence, socially and personally, their school interest, academic performance, attendance and overall behavior improve significantly. Many teachers express the wish that all of their students could participate.

Think about starting a "Special Friends" program at your child's school. The person who receives the training to become a "special friend" could be a parent, grandparent, custodian, bus driver, school secretary, crossing guard, computer specialist, nurse or accountant . indeed, any adult who expresses the interest and has the capacity to relate comfortably with children. A special friend is a person who "is there but not there, who supports but doesn't carry, who sets limits but doesn't restrict, who acknowledges and doesn't deny feelings, who has a sense of humor, can love unconditionally, listens, and believes in you."

To find out how your school can apply for a Primary Mental Health Project grant, contact:

Norma T. Sproul, Ph.D.
Primary Mental Health Project
Connecticut State Department of Education
25 Industrial Park Rd.
Middletown, CT 06457

Telephone: 860-807-2037
FAX: 860-807-2047

Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.