10/12/2001

Combating One's Fears

Catherine Conant, friend and storyteller, takes on her biggest fears, head on and with great humor.

F.E.A.R.
By Catherine Conant

The interesting thing about fear is everybody has at least one they can rely on to scare themselves silly. There are garden-variety fears; heights, closed spaces and in this house, anything with eight legs. There are the exotic; phalacrespia (fear of bald men), pteronophobia (fear of being tickled with feathers) and the fear popular among brides, pentheraphobia (fear of one's mother-in-law).

Everybody's got 'em. Don't trust anybody who tries to tell you they're fearless. A person without a sense of fear is likely to suggest you try a sport with a name that includes "extreme" or "ultimate". Should you crave an extreme experience, come to my house and clean the refrigerator.

I once knew a gentleman who was suave and poised. However, due to an unfortunate childhood viewing of a Victor Mature movie he suffered from an unreasonable fear of midgets. If the midget happened to be dressed as a gladiator, he went berserk.

Summer is when we are continually reminded that some people treat their fears to an outing. TV ads show happy, smiling people laughing merrily as they plunge to earth and everything becomes a blur of G forces. Sane people choose to stand in the shade. Thus honoring their fears of a tragic accident and avoiding an adolescent who ate a chili dog prior to boarding.

For reasons too tedious to mention, my personal life was recently relocated into the direct path of an active volcano. While I was admiring the familiar view, molten lava was creeping up behind me. In one mighty heave, the landscape disappeared and I suddenly stood in the middle of a volcanic emotional crater.

What to do? What to do? I moped, I suffered, I spent months consulting with my advisors, Ben and Jerry. One night I challenged my worst fears to meet me outside in the parking lot. Fueled by Heath Bar Crunch, I figured if I could face a few fears head on, it would prove that I could survive.

I signed up to fly to the Bahamas and swim with wild dolphins. In one fell swoop I would conquer fear of flying, fear of swimming and fear of being seen in a bathing suit.

I spent months at the Y, and read about airline safety. I did cheat and bought a swimsuit without trying it on, but figured since there was a chance I might crash, it was OK.

The day came when, after having endured and then enjoyed a flight to Miami and another in a tiny seaplane to Bimini, I stood on a boat and looked down at the water. Decked out in my snorkel and fins I was as graceful as a walrus. Suddenly, months of preparation vanished and the drop from the side of the boat to the water telescoped from 10 to 100 feet.

The guide said, "Step off the boat." I said, "Maybe I shouldn't do this." She put a hand on my shoulder and said, "Do you have fear?" "You bet honey, and it's bigger than this boat." She calmly instructed, "The acronym for fear is False Events Appearing Real. Step off the boat now."

In one stunning moment I realized that hiding because I wanted to be safe would not protect me from whatever was headed my way. That energy spent on fear could be redirected into enjoying the present. To pass up anything because of the possibility of an unlikely event would be to drown in fear.

So I stepped out into the air and dropped into the aquamarine world of dolphins. Together we swam and played and marveled at each other. They had no fear, and neither did I. The salt water washed away my doubts of survival, and I climbed out of the water several fears lighter, both lightened and enlightened and as graceful as dolphin.

Catherine Conant is a writer and storyteller who performs, teaches and coaches the art of oral stories. Her new CD "Exit 11 and other stories; growing up in the shadow of the New Jersey Turnpike" is available through her web site. For more information or to contact her go to: www.4astoryteller.com

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