05/17/99

Worst-Case Scenarios

Here’s the scenario: You’re relatively new to home computing and the Internet, but hey, you’ve installed a program or two without a lot of help; you can use a word processor and print your work; you’ve managed to get online, browse the Internet and have sent and received email.

Moreover, you’ve even downloaded files from the Internet and actually upgraded or installed new software. If you’re still at a stage where the thought of doing anything NEW with your computer strikes you as the equivalent of bungee jumping without a cord, you may want to back up a few columns to Notes for Internet Newbies and Other Life Forms … Because this column will assume readers have a soupcon of confidence.

Because the rest of the scenario is that your computer is a disaster waiting to happen, and that you’ve gotten past the newbie notion that this is a permanent state of affairs. It’s time to embrace your fears and move on.

You may think your computer has a virus. Some programs work sporadically or not at all, and reinstalling them hasn’t helped. There are files you can’t delete. You get frequent, cryptic Windows error messages saying that your kernel needs to be defrosted (Yes, I made that up.) Your mouse pointer seizes up like a car engine running without oil. You spend more time rebooting and turning your computer on and off again than you do actually accomplishing anything. You’re aware, in a Zen sort of a way, that your Windows registry is as bloated and corrupt as the government of some entire countries. You may even have tried software products with names such as “Magic Presto Windows DeBabelizer!,” (OK, I made that up, too) that promised to fix everything, but it didn’t really seem to do the job.

In short, you’re vastly irritated all the time. Even if you’re a Windows user (did I say that this column was for Windows users?) you shouldn’t have to be incessantly miserable.

It may be time for a fresh start. What’s the worst thing that can happen to your computer, short of major hardware failure? Most users fear that their computer will go “kablooie,” to use the technical term preferred by Experienced Computer Professionals. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to wipe out your data yourself, on your own schedule and in a controlled way, while your computer is still sort of working, rather than wait for truly bad things to happen.

You will need:

1. A boot floppy disk for your operating system.
2. A backup or copy of any irreplaceable personal files such as documents, graphics, address books, email, accounting data, etc.
3. Your original Windows 95/98 CD or floppy disks, unless you already have all the install files copied to a separate hard drive or partition, something other than your C:\ drive.
4. The CD or disks for the programs you customarily use, with any serial numbers. This includes your word processor and/or office software and Internet software.

You should alwaysAlwaysALWAYS have one of these around in case of disaster, anyway, unless you have convenient access to another computer. It is not enough that this floppy disk will get you to a c:\ prompt. It has to make your computer recognize your CD ROM drive, as well, if your operating system is on a CD ROM, which it probably is. Handily enough, boot disk configurations for all Microsoft operating systems since DOS 5.0 can be found at http://www.bootdisk.com.

Backup or Copy

When you think about it – how many files do you have that are truly irreplaceable? If you’re running a business, sure, there may be a lot; but if you’re running a business, you’d better have a real backup system in place. Ditto, if you have a huge amount of personal correspondence and lots of documents and graphics. If you have many megabytes of important files, you need a second hard drive or a partition on your existing hard drive, at the very least, for saving copies of important files. However, if you’re like most home users, you need your address book, your Internet favorites and your text documents. You can fit those on a couple of blank, virus-checked floppy disks. Everything else is replaceable.

Your Internet information (address books, mail, favorites, bookmarks, etc.) is located in your Windows Application Data folder within your Windows directory, if you’re using Internet Explorer and Outlook Express; within your Netscape directory if you’re using Netscape 3; under Program Files/Netscape/Users if you’re using Netscape 4 or higher; and within the appropriate program folder if you’re using anything else (Eudora, for example.)

The most important thing to remember (or write down) about the files that you copy is where they came from. You’ll want to put them back, eventually.

Your Original OS

If there’s anything more annoying than losing all your data, it’s wiping out all your data yourself and then discovering that you don’t have your original Windows disk around to reinstall.

The Rest of It

Make sure you have the installation disks and serial numbers, if necessary, for any other important software at hand – ESPECIALLY any driver software that came with your computer or any add-on devices such as printers or scanners or cameras. If you’re missing anything, you’ll have to download it from the manufacturer’s web site later. It would be a good idea to make SURE those files exist before you wipe out your hard drive.

You’re going to do a nice, clean installation of what you NEED, first. Save the games for last. They’re probably what brought you to this situation, anyway.

Moment of Truth

OK, now you’re going to wipe out your hard drive. (Disclaimer: Stuff can go wrong. I am not going to come to your house and fix it if it does. You are on your own. Do this at your own peril. This column isn’t even warranteed to be entertaining, let alone useful.)

Follow these terrifying instructions:

Boot your computer to a A:\ prompt using your boot disk. Make sure you have access to your CD ROM drive after you do this, if your operating system is on CD ROM. Never, ever proceed past this point unless you have a clear means to reinstall your operating system.

Type fdisk after the A:\ and hit enter. Fdisk is a DOS program that will allow you to set up and partition your hard drive. If you have difficulty following how to use fdisk, don’t fool around with it until you read more about it. This is the point of no return. You can also use various commercial programs for setting up your hard drives that are friendlier than fdisk, but they mostly do the same things. If you have “virtual” hard drives on which you have your backed up or copied data, be very careful not to disturb them. Your only concern is the C:\ drive right now, where your operating system and programs reside.

After you’ve run fdisk and partitioned your hard drive (and, if you don’t have an extra hard drive or a means of backup, I encourage you to create a virtual second drive for backups and copies for the NEXT time you put yourself through this) you’re going to restart your computer using the boot disk. From the A:/ prompt, run format (type format c: and watch in horrified fascination for the next few minutes as your hard drive is wiped clean.

When format is finished, put your Windows CD or disk in and type “setup” at the appropriate drive prompt. You’re on your way.

There, was that so hard?

Before you rise up to flay me alive, I promise to deal with installation issues, including how to get your Internet account back up and running even if you lost your disks, in the next column.

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