02/13/98

How can we help our son resist the temptation of drugs?

Q: Our son was an A, B student in the past but gets C's now. The kids he used to hang with have gone into honors classes without him. He thinks of himself as "just plain stupid." New acquaintances have approached him with drugs, and although he says he's been tempted, he has said, "No," so far. We're worried that he'll try the drugs to gain social acceptance. What do you suggest?

A: The best news from your question is that your son has confided in you. Be sure you let him know how important that is and how much it means to you that he trusts you enough to be honest with you. This is both a delicate and potentially dangerous situation for your son. Here are several steps to consider taking:

• Your son needs positive role models, both adult and peer. Support his extracurricular interests in sports, after school clubs, hobbies or the arts. The more he builds his talents the more he'll build his self-esteem. Encourage him to include one or more of his old friends or support his efforts to cultivate new ones who share the same interests.

• Educate your son fully about the dangers of drugs, cigarettes and alcohol. Set a responsible example yourselves; too many parents say one thing and do another.

• Encourage your son to seek out his school guidance counselor or other trusted adults, if need be. Even the most communicative young people sometimes need the opinions and objectivity of an adult outside the family.

• Arrange meetings with your son's teachers (include your son in the meetings) to discuss specifics about his academic performance. Each teacher will be able to make suggestions about how he can improve his grades. If study skills hold him back, he can learn how to acquire them! The more he "owns" his problems as well as the solutions, the more confident he'll be that he is in control of the outcome.

• Make yourself conspicuously available to your son. Especially in the evenings and on weekends, when he's out with his friends, be sure he knows where he can reach you. Several parents have told me that transportation can be an issue when trouble starts, and a reluctant teen who "knows better" may go along with the group because he or she "had no graceful way out."

• Above all, set reasonable limits with your son, make your expectations clear and follow through on them. You might not win a popularity award right away, but he will eventually thank you for your resolve a few years down the road.

Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.