08/21/98

To Combat Harrassment

Q: What can students do to protect and defend themselves against harassment at school?

A: Several parents and students shared personal stories about how they handled harassment situations effectively. Their experiences and suggestions, mixed with mine, follow:

- After my daughter told me about all the harassment on the playground, I spent some time at her school observing during recess. The bullying was obvious. So I organized a few volunteer parents to help monitor recess hours. My daughter was a little embarrassed about it at first, but the presence of more adults reduced the bullying dramatically. Keeping a sense of humor with the kids really helped, too.

- My son has learned some vile things at school and even taken part in some of them, because some people think it's funny when kids threaten each other. When my six-year-old son's teacher told me what he had said to another child, I made him apologize to that child in front of about ten other children. I felt that the public embarrassment was important to emphasize how wrong his behavior was.

 Something has to be done after the very first episode. My son wasn't the only one involved, but I was the only parent who insisted that he stop making cruel remarks. Sometimes I wish there were a way to punish parents for their passivity. Parents are the #1 teacher in their child's life and have to step forward to teach their children how to behave toward other people.

- I lost my right eye as a baby and had to endure school with a glass eye. Sometimes it moved in the socket to an odd position, and once or twice it fell out. One kid in particular, who was bright, insecure and very competitive, used to tease me. After six years of taking his crap, I jumped on him and washed his face in the Maine snow. He ran home bawling. When his mom called mine, my mom told her, "Now you know what happens when he picks on J---"

 I was very proud of my mom that day and of myself. That kid never bothered me again. In high school I set him straight verbally one time, when he called a retarded, slender boy a "dipstick." There are always bullies around. Kids need to support and defend each other against them.

- I have two daughters who went through ugly harassment experiences. The administration was ill-equipped to handle them and was more disposed to pass the problem kids along, hoping they would graduate before exploding. It is a sad commentary when lessons in karate are necessary to bolster a child's attendance at school, even in an affluent community.

- When I was about nine years old an older boy on my bus used to grab me and tickle me behind my knees. I fought to get away from him, but he was too strong. My mother got sick of hearing me crying about it, so she told me that I'd better do something about it, or she'd give me something real to cry about! I knew I had to do something to make him stop bothering me. So the next day when I got on the bus, I plunked myself down on his lap and stuck my finger in his eye, and yelled, "Arnold's crying, Arnold's crying!" Indeed, tears were streaming down his face. I got the last laugh; he never bothered me again.

- You have a right to go to school without fear of harassment. If you're being harassed, tell a teacher, guidance or peer counselor, the principal or a friend. If threatened, let the person know that you're not afraid to tell someone in authority about it. If you feel that telling an adult will make you more vulnerable to harm, try making a statement like one of the following, and then walk away.

 "I don't plan to get suspended over someone like you, so just leave me alone."

 "This is so stupid! I have better things to do than stand in the hall and argue with you!"

 "All we're going to do is end up hurting each other and I don't want that."

Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.