SNET Internet : Features : Education Q&A : When Kids Get Extreme




	11/06/98

When Kids Get Extreme

Q: Our first grader is not only very intelligent, he is also emotionally extreme. We've noticed since his birth that when he's happy, he's oh so happy, and when he's upset, everyone knows it! We have been helping him deal with various difficult situations one at a time. For example, the stress of being in a room full of people is intense for him. When he vents his emotions at home, we know he'll feel better in a few minutes, so we let him. But now that he's in school, this is obviously not acceptable.

The teacher encourages him to just say, "I'm angry." But this isn't helping him, and I don't want him to keep his emotions bottled up inside. Is there a socially acceptable way for him to deal with these intense feelings? The teacher wants to meet with us again in two weeks, but I don't know what to tell her. What do you or readers suggest?

A: I have a few ideas for you, and I'm sure readers will have more. There are many quiet ways to channel strong feelings, an essential feature of a classroom intervention, so as not to disturb other children. The following suggestions by no means represent an exhaustive list, but may stimulate additional ideas for you, your son and his teacher.

Many teachers set up a quiet corner in the classroom where an upset child can go to calm down. Just getting away from the situation for a few minutes and looking at a book or listening to music through headphones can have a soothing, calming effect without disturbing others.

Some children can dissipate anger by squeezing something in their hands, like a ball of clay or other substance which supplies resistance, but gives. Some stores carry small rubber sacks filled with a dough-like substance, sacks that are designed to help strengthen the hands by squeezing them. If your son had one of these in his desk, perhaps he could use it quietly to dissipate the tension associated with strong feelings.

The teacher, if comfortable with the idea, could design a few lessons for all of the children about identifying and responding to feelings of joy, sadness, fear and anger. If children draw pictures illustrating an incident associated with each emotion and discuss their illustrations as a group, they will learn from each other about common emotional experiences and how their peers handle them.

Think about the techniques you use to help your son calm down at home and discuss with the teacher ways to adapt them to the classroom environment.

If parent/teacher/child collaboration isn't producing results, suggest that another staff member, such as the school psychologist, guidance counselor, principal, resource teacher or social worker, observe your son in class. Another pair of eyes may see something you've missed.

Consult a reference text in the library called Bibliotherapy. It provides lists of storybooks by topic and grade level for parents, teachers and other adults to read to children, storybooks about characters who struggle with and overcome problems similar to those that children face.

On the Internet, go to the Parent Soup Message Board, where you can direct your questions about child-rearing to other parents at: http://www.parentsoup.com/boards
Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.
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