12/31/99

Reversing the Slide

Q: Kindergarten, first and second grades were wonderful school years for our bright overachiever. In third grade, however, his teacher was hostile and negative. She once described him as "the laziest, sorriest excuse for a student she ever saw." We were unsuccessful in our attempts to have him removed from the class. Ever since that dreadful year, his motivation and self-esteem have gone steadily downhill. We've tried two school changes -- one to another town and another to a parochial school -- to no avail.

Comprehensive evaluations show that he is highly intelligent (borderline gifted) with minor perceptual-motor weaknesses. No problems with attention were evident. He's always been disorganized and resistant to establishing routines, both at home and at school. He perked up during the last few months of fifth grade when a new teacher was assigned to his class, but resumed his academic and social slide in middle school. Teachers see him as lazy; we see him as deeply discouraged and hopeless.

How can we help turn the situation around?

A: It's tough to break such a negative pattern, especially when it has persisted over so many months and years. There are many steps you can take, however, and with your son's help and the support of some key people at his school, you can make great strides.

Now that he is in middle school, he works with several different teachers. Since his positive turn-around at the end of fifth grade suggests that it's important to him to make a positive connection with his teacher (in order to try harder and get better grades), ask your son who his favorite teachers are now. Then make an appointment with those teachers and meet with them, with your son, to talk with them about your concerns. Ask for their advice about handling current problems. They'll have thoughtful suggestions, and, more importantly, will help your son feel less alone at school.

If he can't identify a favorite teacher (or teachers), meet with the school guidance counselor along with your son and discuss strategies with him or her. Counselors often run peer discussion groups, groups that give students a chance to air their complaints and come up with ways to address them. Kids often take suggestions from other students and run with them, even if they've heard the same suggestions from their parents 100 times! Again, your son will feel less alone with his problems when he finds out that some of his peers are barely afloat in the same leaky boat.

Allow your son to sign up for an after-school activity of interest to him without making participation contingent on school performance. He needs opportunities for socialization, and as long as the activity doesn't take up too much of his time, he'll still have plenty of time to complete homework. Encourage him to include a friend, so they can study together afterward.

Select a simple set of consequences for not following through on household and school routines and stick with it. You don't need anything elaborate. One approach you might try is to select consequences that require your son to do something constructive, rather than take away privileges. For example, "Since you didn't do "x," you can do the dishes tonight or clean the bathroom(you get the picture)." Establish simple, repetitive routines and follow-up with straightforward, logical consequences (to him, not to you). Consider the possibility of individual or family counseling outside of school. It's difficult to break old habits and establish new ones within families. A counselor can often see unproductive patterns of behavior between family members, provide feedback and offer solutions that will help everyone take a fresh look and risk making changes.

LINKS:

Possible reasons for academic failure
Students discuss motivation and achievement
Resources for parents to help their children do better in school

Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.