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Teens Need More Parental Guidance
In response to Teens Need More Parental Guidance
Many parents recognize the seriousness of teen temptations, while others
remain in denial about experimentation with drugs, sex and alcohol, even
if someone tells them their own children are doing it! Take heed
parents and listen to these comments from other parents of teen-agers.
Also note the message from the 15 year old who thinks most teens are
responsible and polite, and that negative stereotypes about them are
grossly exaggerated.
- I have known parents who find out that their children are using
drugs and alcohol and take no steps to control their behavior. Years
ago I spoke to a friend in law enforcement who told me stories about
kids reporting parties where underage drinking was going on. When the
police arrived at the location, the parents asked them to leave. In
other words, it was all right for these teenagers to be drinking because
the parents knew about it. This is a sad and dangerous aspect of the
problem.
-- Parents in Denial
- You mentioned a New England college that penalized hockey players
for freshman drinking. Closer to home, last year Xavier High School in
Middletown suspended many of its basketball players for attending a
party at which liquor was served. This suspension literally cost the
school the state championship. We feel very good about sending our son
to a school that stands by its principles, no matter what the cost.
-- School Suspensions Help
- As a high school faculty member and parent of two teenage boys, I am
one of the few parents I know who has risked the wrath of my sons and
exercised parental control over what they do, who their friends are,
what they do after school each day, what parties they are allowed to
attend, and what time they are expected home at night. I am up, awake,
and expect conversation when they arrive home at midnight (the 19 year
old) and 11 pm (the 15 year old). I have made it clear what I expect
from them and have managed to create an environment in which they are
not afraid to tell me "stuff" that goes on in their world. They know I
will come and get them wherever they are if they are uncomfortable with
arrangements to get home.
It really wasn't difficult. I am the parent, not a friend, and my sons
are remarkably cooperative with the limits I have set. There was one
significant shouting match when the older boy was 15 or so, but that
passed quickly when he realized that the scenarios I painted about what
could happen at a party with no adults present, more often than not, do
occur. I think kids want their parents to say "no" when they ask for
permission to do something they aren't sure they want to do. Parents
just have to accept the mantle of parent and the responsibilities that
entails. "Fun" is a lot riskier for teens today.
-- Set Firm, Fair Limits
- Teens do need more adult guidance and intervention, but parents need
support as well. If our local high school held regular meetings for
parents to discuss the changes and parental interventions necessary to
help keep our children focused, maybe that would be beneficial. I work
hard to keep my 13 year old on the right track, but I would really like
to meet with other parents of teens and get some feedback about what
they are experiencing and the solutions that are working for them.
-- Parents Need to Get Together
- I successfully raised three teenagers who are now 27, 24 and 19. I
had eyes in the back of my head and communicated with each child every
day. We always had dinner together as a family. Even when the boys
were uncommunicative, I went into their rooms to see how they were. I
was a firm, loving parent. Strict parents are losers, because the kids
just sneak. I did a lot of reading before I had kids. I love being a
mother. Maybe if more parents felt like this, there wouldn't be so many
problems.
-- You Can Be Too Strict
- My kids learned early on that they had freedom within boundaries.
To step over the line meant swift discipline. My daughter once told me
about some girls who wrote "I hate my mother" on the bathroom walls.
These were girls whose mothers told them at age 16 that they were old
enough to make their own decisions. These girls felt abandoned and
without direction. Discipline, no matter how loudly they wail against
it, is the one thing young people look for from their parents.
Unfortunately, the permissive attitudes of many parents has not led to a
wiser, more mature younger generation.
-- Freedom Within Boundaries
- Your article reminded me of an axiom from Poor Richard's Almanac,
which stated "A good example is the best sermon." Teen-agers are
depicted by some fellow adults as irresponsible, amoral, hedonistic,
sexually promiscuous, materialistic and uncivil -- all negative
characterisitics overwhelmingly represented, in some cases, among adults
in our society. To paraphrase Shakespeare, the fault is in us, not in
the stars.
-- Set a Good Example
- As a teen myself, I got a little angry when you described teens as
unmotivated, irresponsible and disrespectful. That is an (unfair)
stereotype. At my high school, 90% of the students are not rude or
disrespectful. People form opinions based on what they read, and in my
15 years on this earth, I have not yet read an article about the teens
who sit through hours of honors classes, make the honor roll, do
community service and are responsible and polite.
Maybe there are teens who need more guidance and parental control, but
I think they belong to the minority. Not all of us drink, do drugs or
partake in senseless and dangerous behavior. We may dress the same and
listen to the same music, but we are not the same. Take a look at some
of the nicer aspects of my generation.
-- Most Teens are Polite and Responsible
Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.
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