01/30/98

Glamorous Women Have It All, Don't They?

In response to Glamorous Women Have It All, Don't They?

Readers were critical of the article's assumption that a woman's looks could somehow cause or invite criminal assault. The message sounded too much like the terrible accusation to a sexually abused woman that she "asked for it." This is a serious, complex issue which deserves more enlightened treatment.

• Leers and whistles might have some relationship with a woman's looks. However, the implication that her looks prompted the attack on her person (tantamount to rape), encroaches dangerously on the idea that she "asked for it." A Florida jury brought just such an argument, that when an attractive young woman in a short skirt got brutally raped and assaulted, they said that it was all her fault. Rape is not a crime of passion, but one of power and dominance. Confusing the two, even by suggestion, creates a dangerous mind-set that could cause other serious miscarriages of justice such as the one in the Florida case.

  Maybe some people would counsel women to "frump it up" or to avoid going out except in large groups. But what does this do to our society? It puts the burden and pain on the innocent instead of the guilty. We need to better educate at young ages. We need to create and enforce laws that deter the "wannabe's" and lock up the "already dids." Women have come too far out of the cave to crawl back because of society's misfits! Let's shed light on the problem, not make 52% of the world's population skulk in the dark. -- No Link Between Rape and Beauty

• I disagree with the conclusion that non-glamorous women do not have to worry. I am an average looking, somewhat overweight woman. I have been the recipient of unwelcome sexual comments on occasion and once had my crotch grabbed by a man at -- would you believe -- a birthday party being held at a seminary! It's true that beautiful women stand out in a crowd and are more visible "targets," but to suggest that making oneself unattractive is to make oneself safe is not accurate and may even impart a sense of false security to some women. -- Plain Does Not Mean Safe

• Safety in coke bottle glasses and the tent look? Safety is not found in plainness. It is incredibly misleading and unsafe to suggest so. Some degree of safety may be found in self-empowerment, defense training and appropriate, responsive law enforcement. Also, perverts may be found in the fringes, but they abound as well in the mainstream. -- Find Safety in Self-Defense Training

• Looks of the victim don't influence the rapist. Rapists don't have uniforms or special colors or religions, sizes, shapes, professions or locations. Women must stop looking for whatever type they think rapists are! Changing your appearance will not keep you safe.

  While on a vacation long overdue, the manager of the hotel I checked into helped himself to what he thought was his due. He used his key, entered my room, paid accommodations, and said I would be his next prey. Ordering, "Don't scream, I'll kill you! Do what I say!" Just before throwing me onto the bed, his blazing eyes broadcast, "Girl...I'm gonna get my way!" A white man got his way just by turning a key he got his way! Please hear me, I pray. He just opened my door. Before giving keys to future staff I implore, check their backgrounds, you owe it to all. At 39 I was raped by a man, and not a man of color. One who worked in a posh California hotel. I called the police in an effort to tell about the night I spent in hell. The L.A.P.D. gave no help. Insignificantly they merely said to me, childishly, "You're a single lady, traveling alone. Save yourself heartache. Forget it. Go home!" -- White Men Rape, Too

• Sexual harassment, like its more violent successor, has little to do with a woman's looks. These are acts of violence or violation, not sex, against women. To imply that unattractive women have nothing to fear from men who seek to hurt women, whether verbally or physically, is to have no understanding of the problem, of crime statistics, or the nature of men who do these things. Please educate yourself and "Diane" before writing such a specious column. -- Sexual Harassment is a Crime

• I am a 16 year old girl and don't want to hide myself. I am a model but don't flaunt it by wearing tight little skirts or anything. Once in awhile I dress up nice for school. At school, boys who I know have girl friends still try to put the moves on me. Men in tractor trailors and men crossing the street stare at me. So I decided to play a game, like the lady in the story. I didn't put on much make-up and didn't do my hair that good. But my plan didn't work out quite so well. I still got the attention. "Oh well," my mom said, "It looks like they love ya either way." So I just go along and enjoy the attention and don't let it go to my head. I will start carrying mace though. I don't want no freakazoid man going into my Honda Accord! -- Looks Are Not the Key

• There is too much importance placed on appearance and too little emphasis placed on substance. I've been married to the same woman for 18 years and I'm 39 years old. We are both attractive people, on the outside, but more importantly, we share a common set of beliefs. A marriage is not made in Heaven. It is made of hard work, cooperation, communication and commitment.

  Your article makes all males sound as though they want only one thing; the males you portray in your article are truly the minority. The average "Joe" on the street is more concerned with providing for his family, paying his bills, and loving his wife and kids. Beauty is a curse if you perceive it to be. But remember that true beauty is not skin deep; it goes to the core of the individual. True beauty is not visual; it is spiritual and emotional. Please do not paint the truly decent 90+ per cent of men with the same paintbrush you paint the shallow, sexist minority. -- Sexist Men Are in the Minority

• The inference that to make yourself "ugly" is to be safe is erroneous. Many women are raped in this country every year and they're not always or even usually glamorous. Some are in their homes in sweats and housecoats. Others are walking or running for their health and are sweaty, bedraggled and dressed unglamorously when the attack occurs. Some are elderly or handicapped. The best book I ever read on this subject, now rather dated but still true, is called "Men, Women and Rape" by Susan Brownmiller. As long as men continue to be able to physically overpower women and dehumanize them in the process, no woman can be certain of her safety, no matter how she looks. -- Glamor Has Nothing to do with Rape

• I am a male and enjoy looking at a beautiful woman. If it weren't for Vanna, I would never watch Wheel of Fortune. But I am also a husband, father of three daughters and the grandfather of a beautiful granddaughter. I find little wrong with giving a woman the attention she deserves for paying the price to keep a figure and buy attractive outfits.

  Harassment is a different issue. The workplace has been getting better, but the streets need a lot of improvement. Outward appearance still brings on unwanted attention and that, by my definition, is harassment. It is an issue of education in tolerance. We as a society accept the overweight guy in a jacked-up Ford pickup playing country music, but we won't allow a well dressed woman to walk down Main Street at night. Where are we coming from?

  Until this country changes, we have little reason to criticize the rest of the world for its human rights abuses. My generation will go to its grave without seeing the day that people can walk the streets without fear of prejudice because of the clothes they wear or the color of their skin. I hope that changes for my granddaughter. -- The Issue is Tolerance

• I enjoyed your article on Glamour. It reminds me of the old days when construction workers whistled, party goers told me I was Hollywood material, and male passengers on the train to New York edged their way closer and closer to me, so much so, that I had to change my seat! Then there was the time I was assaulted in the back stairway of a San Franciso import/export firm! Ad Infinitum!

  Alas! I would love to feel sassy, again. I think I still could, but I have 30 pounds to lose before my daughter's wedding! Getting dressed for the day is a chore of chores--it all depends on what fits and believe me I'm fussy about what I wear.

  My heart goes out to the glamorous Diane, but if I were her, I would not dress down, but instead, maintain her usual high standards. -- Don't Dress Down

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