11/13/98

When Less Is More

Many parents have written to me about how hectic their lives are because of the constant juggling of job, school and activity schedules, leaving little time for reflection or relaxation.

One Dad asked, "Do you think there will ever be a time again when a family can afford to live off one income, so one parent can spend his or her time creating a home life for the children and family?"

In my family, one of my brothers (a pharmacist) and his wife (a social worker), exhausted and fed up with the frenetic pace of their lives, arranged part-time schedules with their employers, so both of them could contribute equally to family coffers and to the parenting of their three daughters. They work in hospitals which makes flexible hours available, too. To save money, they own one car; the pharmacist rides a bicycle to work; and they spend zero dollars on daycare. They feel greatly relieved and much happier these days.

Another parent described how life styles in different homes in their neighborhood affect attitudes and behavior of her children and their playmates. This parent wrote, "We invited a friend of my six-year-old son's over last week to play. He had never seen home-made pizza before, but he ate it and liked it. When he asked if he could watch TV, my son told him we didn't have cable, so the TV wasn't much good. He suggested going outside where the boys found butterflies, bugs and worms, drew chalk pictures on the driveway, and made volcanoes in the sandbox (with vinegar and soda.)

"After a game of hide-and-seek to end the afternoon, the boy friend didn't want to leave with the sitter and has asked to return many times since." "My son, the mother continued, "who plays outside in sun, rain or snow, was upset to hear from another one of his friends that he doesn't get 'outside time,' because his grandparents watch him after school and don't like going outside for very long. So he stays inside and watches TV until it's time to go home, where he has dinner and watches more TV."

"Our house," she wrote, "is decorated in what we call "early Halloween" style. Our wise grandparents only had nice furniture in one room, the sitting room, where they entertained their guests. The rest was chosen with romping kids in mind. We pay cash for our cars, and keep them for 10 to 12 years, until we've saved up enough to buy another one. I think more parents could stay home with their children if they made do with fewer possessions. Once at home parents discover that each child needs to be treated differently, because each of them has different personalities and different needs. Parenting is hard work, too, and demands a great deal of skill, creativity, patience and planning, but the rewards are priceless."

How do you balance parenting with everything else, especially if you are a single parent? Do you think children's needs are getting lost in the shuffle of today's fast-moving society?

Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.