12/24/98

Healing Memories

... in response to "Giving Thanks for the Memories" (11/25/98)

The holiday season prompts many readers to reminisce about both painful and pleasant memories. Joys from one year help erase sadness from another. Readers describe some of their personal losses and how family members have helped them heal.

Family Connections Heal

"I lost my dad this year and though I am 34, it also brought back much of what you experienced recently when thinking about your mother. My family lives all over the country, and I recently visited my aunt and some cousins who live in Washington, D.C. I met their children and they welcomed me as an "aunt." I am an only child, and though I have two children of my own now, I never was completely secure with the concept of family. I cried when I saw my aunt, though I can't tell you why. I feel so much more whole now. And I feel I have more to give back to my own children. Thanks for your article and happy holidays."

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Always Stay in Touch

"It must be a great shock to see someone succumb to a long illness, even though we all lose our parents at some point. My mother was taken by cancer at age 80. Even then she lied about her age, so I had to write to the Board of Health to get her birth certificate for the insurance company. Now I have grown children and a bad heart, so they may soon have to go through the same experience. It's so nice to hear the voices of my grandchildren over the phone."

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Cycles of Life and Love

"I've always hated Jack-in-the-boxes. I can remember hiding from them when my children were young, because I was still afraid of them! One possible explanation is that when I was in the hospital at age four or five, someone may have brought me such a box, and it frightened me.

"A friend of mine lost her mother when she was three years old, and even with the help of pictures, has no memory of her. She has tried hypnotism to no avail. It's odd how the brain can wipe out some memories. I wonder if I block things out because I don't want to deal with them or do I really have no memory of them?

"My son died two years ago and following his death I wrote 14 journals. I look back and read my entries in those journals and scarcely remember the words I wrote myself! I feel like I'm looking at the writings of someone else. Perhaps that's how the mind copes with trauma. It's important to maintain family contacts and conversations, because family members are often the ones who hold the keys to lost memories.

"I'm doing much better now that I have a new granddaughter, just five months old, and we're anticipating her first Christmas. Although not a replacement for my son, she has certainly filled a void. Where once I would wake and think only of darkness, now there is light. Our granddaughter has helped us find new meaning in life. When she is with me, I tell her about her uncle and how much he loves her. I believe that he knew this baby before we ever did and kissed her good-bye on way to this dimension. I also believe he told her to help us find happiness again.

"This small baby makes me want to celebrate the holidays again, with joy and love."

Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.