12/31/98

Man Your Sinks!

In response to "No More Dishes" (12/11/98)

The "No More Dishes" article did not prompt male readers to rush headlong to their sinks, but it certainly sparked a conversation or two about division of labor. In some households such conversations have obviously already taken place, as you'll note from the following letters:

Try a "No Cook" Buffet

"Since my wife and I were brought up in families where women had traditional roles, i.e. those of wife and mother (including the culturally acceptable terms at the time of "housewife" and "homemaker,") and having watched them each Thanksgiving and Christmas work with their mothers to cook, bake and prepare dinner for dozens of people, we (my wife and I) thought things needed to change. We had never eaten dinner on holidays with our mothers sitting still at the table with us. They were, at best, up and down; cooking, serving, cutting, etc.

"Now we have a fairly traditional Thanksgiving, except the kids are learning to cook and serve as well. At Christmas, for the past 23 years of our marriage, we have stayed home, entertained those who want to visit with us, and put on a "no cook" buffet. Anything that needs cooking is prepared days ahead and refrigerated. Finger food, sandwiches, crockpot dishes and microwaveable fare are enjoyed.

"We plan this festival in the afternoon of Thanksgiving day when Christmas wish-lists are written, too. Mom enjoys the holiday just as much as everyone else, thanks to the dishwasher, paper plates and mostly disposable table settings, meaning little clean-up and much relaxation. Some years we even let the local grocery store prepare trays of veggies and dip, meats and cheeses, or even sandwiches. Then when the inlaws and outlaws arrive, meals are quick and easy."

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Set a Dad's Day Off!

"What about us happy husbands who work all day and still do several chores on weekends and weekdays? I think our family should set aside one Sunday every month when the husband or Dad does nothing except whatever he wants to do."

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Discuss Sharing Chores

"I just read the Christmas present letter you received from your kids and husband, who promised to do the dishes for a year. How can I get my husband to do the same thing?

"Ever since I was ten years old, I've done the dishes. Now I'm 23 and I'm sick of doing the dishes, laundry and everything else around the house. What can I do to make my husband want to clean up or help me do it? We're from a traditional, Polish background, so the expectation is that I cook and clean up after meals, even though I also attend college full time. He works to support us, but I also work and study hard. When I go to work or have kids someday, I'll still be expected to do it all. I hate that!"

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Timing is Everything

"I enjoyed reading about your family's gift to you for a past Christmas. Forget the Bible. This could be a replacement for the last part that says, "No greater love hath a man ..." in the eyes of many wives. I will show it to my wife. Hopefully I will do so with impunity, since we spend Christmas elsewhere!"

Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.