08/06/99

Adoption and Race

"There is only one race on Earth, the human race."

... in response to Interracial Adoption (7/23/99)

Many of the people who wrote to me about personal experiences with interracial (or transracial) adoption describe immeasurable richness in their family lives as a result. Their unique stories speak for themselves.

Raising any child is a challenge

"We have adopted children across racial, cultural and religious boundaries. Race is just one of many issues, but I could never say it has been the biggest issue. Gentiles adopting a Jew, Anglos adopting an Hispanic, or Congregationalists adopting a Southern Baptist represent issues that are just as serious, albeit sometimes not as obvious, as transracial adoptions.

"Special-needs adoptions run the spectrum from racial difference to children older than three years, to physically, mentally and behaviorally handicapped children. I could not begin to say that my healthy African American son was more challenged by being raised in a mixed racial home than his brother, who is a white Jew without arms.

"Each child is different. Dear Abby put it well in an article where she that nothing an adopted child would face would necessarily be any more severe than what a child might inherit genetically from its parents.

"Adoption is wonderful and the greatest challenge you will ever encounter. Transracial differences are visually obvious differences that one can either celebrate or blame. Thank God, my sons celebrate their races and are inclusive of people because of each person's unique qualities.

"After adopting seven of our eight children, we founded an adoption agency and placed over 100 special needs children from 1983-1990. It was fun, but the bureaucracy was not for me. The children and the families were wonderful to work with, but the laws are set up to make adoption difficult for all parties involved. After adopting eight, we went on to have two more biological children (the easy way) and now enjoy the grandchildren that are coming along fast. We will celebrate twenty-four long, hard, wonderful years of marriage in December."

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Skin color is not a person's identity

"I am Caucasian and was adopted into a Caucasian family, but I have never felt like a part of the family. Not because of anything they did to me feel that way. It's just the way I felt . because my two older brothers and I were the only adoptees in the entire family on either side, we were not "one of them."

"I know this has nothing to do with interracial adoptions, but your article reminded me of something that happened in college. A friend of mine was conducting a survey of the students to see if they could identify each of the various races, i.e. Caucasian, African-American, and others. One of the girls at the table responded with the following statement: "There is only one race on Earth, the human race."

"All these years that statement has stuck with me, because I wished from that day on that we could stop thinking of ourselves in terms of the color of our skins and start thinking of ourselves as one huge family. If we ever evolve enough to think in those terms, we won't have to worry so much about finding our identities. We will already know them."

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We need role models like ourselves

"In my family, a person's skin color has never, ever been a factor. My great aunt lived in a tiny town in upstate New York. There was one black family in the entire area, let alone town. Both parents were killed in a multi-vehicle accident, leaving a four-year-old boy. My great aunt took him in as a foster child, fell in love with him and adopted him. As he grew up, he rarely left the town because they lived on a farm. Later, however, when he went away to college, he began to have trouble. He knew he was adopted all along, but he never really thought of himself as different until he got out into the world.

"Growing up might have been different if he had had role models in the community, but he didn't, so he became lost, almost like he didn't really know who he was. It set us all to thinking that love, no matter how strong and good, sometimes isn't enough. I wonder if I had been adopted by a black family and lived in a black community, whether I would have trouble with "self." "

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My adopted children are their own support group

"Adoption is essentially a selfish act that meets a person's need to complete life's circle in a way that may be denied you otherwise. Adopting internationally was my only option back in the mid-seventies when there were fewer than one hundred agency-based single-parent adoptions. The agency that agreed to work with me, a single parent, arranged for me to adopt a two-year-old Korean boy. Over the years I adopted several more children, some from other countries, others with special needs. Some came after failed first placements. Some braved escapes from their homeland to find refuge in America and eventually in our family. Some came with undiagnosed handicaps. But all came with untold gifts.

"Despite the undeserved awe we often inspire as a family, especially when out together in public, the joys of a large family far outweigh the burdens, even on a modest income. My decision to parent so large a brood (on a teacher's salary) was based on my love of children, my intense desire to parent a family, an optimistic outlook and a firm belief that children -- especially those adopted as a transracial minority -- benefit from growing up with many brothers and sisters like them. They are their own support group in a very real sense."

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Many factors affect a child

"We have four adopted children who had white birth mothers and black fathers. My husband is black and I am white. Although we were the exact same racial mix as our children we had great difficulty adopting the first two children. My husband was not "black enough" in some intangible way according to the adoption committee. I am happy to report that all four children are doing well and that race in relation to their parents does not appear to be an issue for them.

"I worked as a therapist for many years and saw many families whose natural born children had self esteem and identity issues. These families could not blame their children's problems on adoption. I think adoptive parents and therapists are too quick to attribute every psychological struggle to the children's adoptive status. I have even seen genetically inherited problems such as ADHD and Alcoholism attributed to adoption. It is always surprising to me that well educated people can acknowledge that physical traits are the product of genetics but cannot consider that personality and behavior are also largely a function of genetics. We believe that we can give our children our best, but research indicates that at least 50% or more of their destiny will be biology. And all black children have to struggle with prejudice and with the issue of where they fit in.

"Is there any research that indicates that black parents prepare their children for this reality any better than do white adoptive parents of black children? Adoption and race are just two factors in a huge multitude of factors that affect the life course of any child."

Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.