02/01/2002

Dads Love Helping Out at School

Dads love helping out at school, especially when they feel welcome (see previous article). However, one of the letters I received this week describes a divorce situation in which the dad wants to be part of his children's schooling, but the mother does everything she can to block him. Sad that the resentment between the adults spills over into the schools, drawing teachers and principals into the fray—to no one's benefit!

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Dear Beth,

Thank you for your article. I have a six-year-old son. I do not live with him, but I see him every Wednesday night. Friday night to Sunday night he stays at my house. I have long wanted to be a part of his days in school but never really knew how to go about it. I like your idea of both parents receiving correspondence from the school, because there are a lot of separated parents out there like me. I have asked his mother to show me his daily reports, to no avail. It is true that I might feel a bit out of place if I go to the school, but I'm sure that would subside. I love my son very much, and I'm sure he would like to know that his dad is interested in his school days.

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I am a father of a seven-year-old, and I work out of my home. I have been blessed to have the time to help out in school in my son's classes: kindergarten, first grade, and now second grade. It is a shame that fathers (who have the time or could make the time) do not help out more at school. To get by these days usually requires both spouses to be in the work force. I personally know that my presence at school impacts my son in many ways. It makes him work harder, and he feels very important that "his Dad" is at school.

Besides being there for my son, you would not believe the impact I have on all the other students! They look forward to me coming in every Thursday. There are so many children who are caught in a single family situation because of divorce that in some ways, as the teacher puts it, "You are the only father figure in some of their lives." It makes me feel good that I can help them out and give them some hope.

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Having a daughter in the public school system, I must say that it is the father's job to make himself welcome in the school! Teachers and school administrators have been so pro-female for so long that it's not an easy task, but it isn't impossible either.

I started my involvement with Head Start and have continued to be involved ever since. My child is now 8 years old and in the 3rd grade. Just for a point of information: her Mom has been chronically ill over the past 8 years, so I've spent quite a bit of time as a single parent as well.

If we really profess to love our children and put them above all else, we can find a way to become positively involved in the process of educating them. These are the most important days of their lives. Elementary education is the foundation that they're going to build their lives upon, and it isn't anything to be taken lightly!

I greatly encourage any and all fathers and other male role models to go into the schools, get involved and make a difference in the lives of those they love. To be intimidated because the staff is predominately female is stupid!

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Thank you for the article regarding dads in school. I read it today as it caught my eye. My brother is a divorced father who makes every effort to be involved in his children's lives. His ex-wife does everything she can to impede this. Just today, after finding out from his 6-year-old where his 4-year-old attends daycare, he went to visit the facility (his ex-wife gives him no information regarding the children, their activities or their school reports.) He was denied access to the day-care provider because his ex-wife had falsely informed the day care that the father was not permitted to have contact with the child and that she has sole custody of the children. They took the mother's word for it, even though she did not show any paperwork. People in positions of responsibility in the schools need to get documentation, so they don't make such mistakes.

It is a shame what my brother's ex-wife is doing to him, but more importantly what she is teaching the children. It is also a shame that we still live in a society where the male parent is not considered equal in importance to the female parent. I now look at things differently when someone claims, "He just doesn't want to be involved in the children's lives." Is this true or is the other parent just making it impossible? My brother (more than a year after divorce) is fighting for his right to co-parent his children, by working through an attorney to protect his parental rights.

In a perfect world where divorce never occurs, it is probably just the father "leaving the up-bringing of children up to the mother." In our real world we have co-parenting parents, where the bias remains with the mother and almost no consideration is given to the father's right to involvement. For the children, it is all too sad.

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Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.