03/29/2002

A Texas Dad Speaks Out

Dear Beth,

I recently read your article "Are Dad's Welcome in Our Schools?", you voiced many of my concerns. The following letter is one I have sent to many agencies, as well as to the governor of Texas (where I am from), national and local PTAs and to the faculty at my son's school. Maybe it will inspire other Dads to speak up for recognition as full partners in the education of their children, regardless of marital status.

Here is the text of my letter:

I write to you today on behalf of the 40 percent of Texas' students who do not live with their birth father.

Would you please reach in your pocket and pull out your wallet? No, I'm not going to ask you for a donation. I want to see if you carry a picture of your children there. Thirty percent of fathers who live apart from their children do not get to see the school portrait order form that teachers put in their students' back-packs.

And if all men were to glance at the faces of their children every time they open their wallets, maybe, just maybe, they would think of their children more often. Children need all the help they can get these days. They need the involvement of both parents, whether married or not. And this is where you can help.

Student/Parent handbooks (even more so than cars, insurance needs, or business procedures) need to be revised every couple of years. That time is now. We are not living in an "Ozzie and Harriet" world and we cannot "Leave it to Beaver." We must update school policies to reflect the fact that one-parent homes are nearing 50 percent.

The custodial parent, usually the mother, barely has time to get the essential things in her life accomplished. Even if she is on good terms with her former spouse, it is an additional burden for her to pass along every note that's sent home from the school. Yet if she doesn't assume this burden, the children are the ones that suffer. This is why schools must assume a new burden; that of ensuring that both parents receive all information.

Schools are in a unique position to involve fathers in their kids' lives. Many in society believe men are simply not essential in the rearing of children. About 90 percent of the time, civil courts believe every other weekend and 30 days in the summer with dad is enough. But it is not. Criminal courts should not and must not replace father involvement.

Children with highly involved fathers receive higher grades, enjoy school more and have higher educational outcomes... show an increase in curiosity and in problem-solving capacity... have increased mental dexterity, increased empathy and greater self-control. These are several findings that Ken R. Canfield, president of the National Center for Fathering, presented to the U.S. Department of Education in 2000.

One way to double the home involvement for 40 percent of students is to notify the non-custodial parent of their child's academic life. This may require two folders, frequent trips to the copying machine, double dotted lines on report cards for both parents to sign, extra postage on invitations for fund-raising events, and other time and money-consuming endeavors.

What is needed is a procedure so the non-custodial parent is notified of everything from discipline problems to school portraits (routinely... all year long).

A Texas Dad

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Take a look at The Fourteen Percenter, a periodical for men and women who want to be involved parents. To request a copy, contact Don Mathis, Editor by email: Donald.Mathis@trinity.edu

Resources for Men:

National Fatherhood Initiative, 301-948-0599, 101 Lake Forest # 360, Gaithersburg, MD 20877

Nat'l Center for Fathering, 800-593-DADS, 10200 W 75th # 267, Shawnee Mission, KS 66204

Divorced Men's Association, 860-568-7742, PO Box 380576, East Hartford, CT 06138

Family Re-Entry, 203-838-0496, 520 West Ave., Norwalk, CT 06851

Society of Separated & Divorced Men, 847-695-2200, 575 Keep St., Elgin, IL 60120

Good Dads Make a Difference, 804-786-7367, PO Box 2448, Richmond, VA 23218

Texas Men's Institute, PO Box 92254, Austin, TX 78709

Texas Fathers Alliance, 512-472-DADS, 807 Brazos St. # 315, Austin, TX 78701

Texas Fathers for Equal Rights, 210-354-DADS, 4068 N. IH-35, San Antonio, TX 78219

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Please send questions or comments to bbruno@snet.net.